A Former Moonie

I grew up as a Unificationist and remained a pretty devout one into my mid 20s. I'll turn 30 this December so the truth is I haven't spent much time not being a Moonie and I'm not yet entirely sure who I am without it. All I know, is that it's part of my past. It will always be part of who I am but I can no longer define myself by it. The many changes in my life that have occurred in the past couple years have already left me asking a lot of questions about life and the world and, now that Father Moon is dying, I've been reflecting on these things even more. No one is sure how long he has left but it is unlikely he will last more than a few months and may die at any time.

My family members are all still members and are having a range of reactions to this. None of them ever really had the 'personality driven' relationship with the faith. Who Father Moon is has (of course) been important but their relationship to the religion but it was always centered more on it's philosophy and community rather than the man himself. I was on the extreme end of that. I was an active member, a youth minister, and even went to Korea to allow Father Moon to choose a spouse for me. But I never had a type of faith where I saw him as so amazing as to be connected to the divine. I certainly never saw the man as infallible.  But I did all of it anyway. I did it because of my belief in the values the Church had taught me and because of the meaning the religious philosophy had to me. I believed in the faith- the ideas and ideals it was made of, and therefore I was willing to believe in him. I think people outside the Church would undoubtedly be surprised how common that is for members. They cannot imagine adhering to such a strange religion without an unquestioning belief in the man at the center of it. But I did, and the stereotypical doting star-struck member is not as common as one would think. 

I also did not 'break' with the Church as many would assume. There was not fighting, no accusations, no condemning, no renouncing. None of that. My schedule and my ideas simply became less centered on the Church over time and eventually reached a point where I had to ask myself if I was still a member. The answer was no. I don't reject all the Church stands for but I no longer agreed with enough of it to be a believer. I think it has potential to do good in the world but not much more than any other faith or organization. There are aspects of it I am comfortable supporting and aspects I cannot reconcile with my intellect or my conscience.  

I have a fondness for the faith I could never have for any other, but I have an equally deep frustration with it. It was a massive influence on my childhood and nothing brought me more peace or more pain. 

My mother holding me in her lap (Right Side) attending a meeting with Father and Mother Moon (Left Side)