The only redeeming thing I can say about it is that it applied equally to both boys and girls, but that still isn't much comfort when trying to date for the first time in your mid to late 20s. I can also attest that it does work for some people. My parents have had a pretty good marriage and by brother and his wife are good together and there are many couples it has worked out for. It just sure as hell didn't work for me.
I never actually got married but was engaged three times. My first kiss was when I was about 24 and was with the second guy I was engaged to. Later on when I started dating I had my second first kiss. He apologized for being too timid to kiss me on the first date. I told him not to worry about it and neglected to mention that his definition of 'timid' was a truly alien concept to me. I also spent the rest of the evening wondering if I had remembered to close my eyes. It seemed ridiculous that you could forget to do that but I think I did.
Dating isn't a completely alien culture. Unificationists aren't raised out in the desert somewhere where we churn our own butter and crochet bible quotes for fun. I grew up with TV and movies and went to public school and had "secular" friends but being around it and actually doing it yourself are very different experiences. I was nervous and it took a while to get over the awkward initial forays into the dating world and start dating in earnest. But I've always had a snarky sense of humor and been very comfortable hearing and making 'inappropriate' jokes so I don't think a lot of guys picked up on the total lack of dating history. I think I successfully pulled off just coming across as a little weird.
At least, it works that way in the beginning. But then there's that transition point from going out to actually dating. I suck at that transition point, and it took a while for me to even realize it. The main reason? Sex. Being a virgin in your mid/late 20s is not something guys expect and it wasn't information I was dying to share. I don't know why I avoided even talking about it so much. I guess I thought I'd bring it up when things got further along but I now realize I probably missed the signals that he was trying to move things further along and he just thought I was ignoring him. Looking back, given the fact that I'm not religious and have pretty liberal stances on most things, I can't imagine how else they could have interpreted it without outright guessing at the truth. My first attempts at dating had a tendency to start out well and just fizzle away and that probably has a lot to do with it.
I still don't know how to correct for it though, the first relationship that actually made it into the relationship phase did so in part because the guy did just guess. He had a very forward personality and he just flat out asked when he thought I was responding strangely. The relationship ended a while later for other reasons but, as painful as that was, I was actually a little excited to have something go badly for reasons totally unrelated to my Moonie awkwardness.
Bottom line, this transition still sucks a lot and I feel like by the time I catch up to a normal place in the learning curve I'll be a shriveled old woman with facial hair. I know that's largely irrational and I'm an intelligent person who's well adjusted by just about any standard. I just happen to lack experience in this particular area of life. Unfortunately, just lacking experience in this particular are of life happens to fucking suck. But as a rational human being I know that complaining about something like that makes it suck more rather than less and I just need to suck it up and keep going if I want it to be any better.
On the other hand, venting online can also be a healthy outlet on occasion so I'm just going to say that this sucks a few more times and then go so something else. This sucks, Sucks, SUCKS, sucks, Sucks, SUCKS, sucks, Sucks, SUCKS, suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks!!!! Not the most grown up paragraph of my life but whatever.
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